Healing from divorce can be a difficult process for many people. Divorcing spouses often go through a grieving process related to their divorce.
Grief is not limited to the death of loved ones. People going through divorce may grieve the loss of their marriage, their lifestyle, and the image they had to their future with their spouse.
Acceptance of the divorce and inner peace are the result of healing from divorce. When someone has achieved acceptance and peace, the person is able to focus on rebuilding their life.
Several people struggle through the process of accepting the divorce before they can achieve peace and acceptance. Divorcing spouses who are having difficulty accepting the divorce may go through a period of denial. They may believe that their spouse will stop the divorce process or have doubt that the spouse is serious about the divorce.
Depression is common in people who are struggling with a divorce. Divorce can cause feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and sadness. Some people may feel betrayed by their spouses especially if their spouse initiated the divorce proceedings.
The feelings that divorce elicits can be extremely difficult to cope with. People going through a divorce should be encouraged to seek emotional support to help them cope with these difficult emotions.
Divorce can be devastating if the marriage was the central focus of the person’s life. People who have had the foundation of their lives stripped from them may make desperate attempts to try to regain that object which they built their lives on, in this case the marriage.
Coping with divorce can be much easier if the person find something worthwhile and meaningful on which to focus their energy. Instead of becoming trapped in depression and other difficult emotions, some people are able to create goals for themselves or focus on relationships with their children, friends, or other family members.
Grieving for the marriage and feeling the emotions associated with the divorce are a healthy part of healing from divorce. It only becomes problematic when the person becomes stuck in a negative perception of the divorce. People can help themselves move out of this negativity by working towards personal or career goals, focusing on positive aspects of their lives, and utilizing their faith.
Sometimes in life we are headed down a certain road but then realize we need to change our mind about where we want to go. If your marriage is headed for divorce and yet you are now having second thoughts, you may suddenly feel like you are on the wrong road and want to change course fast.
This reminds me of my friend Joe – he was in the same situation. Initially, Joe had instigated the divorce process with his wife. At that time, things had not been going well in his marriage, and he was absolutely convinced that divorce as the smartest path to happiness. He called a lawyer and that was that.
Then, one day, Joe was looking at some old photos of he and his wife on a beach. They had been taken while on vacation in Maine, a far cry from their home in Southern California. The beach was romantic and mysterious, and in the evening light the couple had been taking a walk when they came upon a little restaurant near the water. They pulled up some chairs and proceeded to eat the best clam bake of their lives.
The memories came flooding back to Joe, and he wished he were back in her arms right now, there on that beach in Maine. Then he snapped back to reality. Trouble was: he was already 6 months into a marital separation and 2 months into official divorce proceedings. And his wife was living 50 miles away in a different town.
Joe immediately knew he had made the wrong decision about his divorce: he desperately wanted his wife back. No, he needed her back. So, he set out on a fact finding mission to find out what he could do.
Can you stop the divorce process? Here is a summary of what Joe found out:
1. You can’t stop a divorce if your spouse wants a divorce:
Marriage is viewed as a partnership contract. Therefore, there is no way to stop your divorce if your spouse wants a divorce.
2. Divorce is a no-fault deal:
In most states, divorce is a no-fault deal, meaning that a spouse who wants a divorce can do so without the consent of the other spouse.
3. In legal terms, every divorce has a timeline called a chronology:
Although it varies from state to state, every divorce has its own chronology of about 7 steps, including: filing of the complaint, response, document exchange, settlement, issuance of the divorce decree, trial, and possible appeal.
4. Whether you can stop the divorce depends where you are in the chronology:
Most states have waiting periods between the time of filing for a divorce and the time the divorce is finalized. If both wanted to stop the divorce, both spouses would then withdraw their divorce petition.
5. Find out whether the judgment has been granted:
If you think you can turn your marriage around, find out first whether judgment has been granted. If it has not, and if your spouse agrees, you can ask the judge to stop the divorce proceedings.
Once Joe knew the facts, he got on the proverbial war path to get his life back together. No longer apathetic about his marriage or feeling disempowered in his situation, he set out to win his wife’s love back.
What should you expect if you find yourself having to go to divorce court? The answer to this question is not the same for everyone who is faced with their marriage ending. There are various different things that you may have to do for your divorce. You will certainly want to make sure that you are doing everything that you can to make this divorce happen in your favor so that you can get you where you need to be in your life. Try focusing on the things that you can do, the things you have direct control over, to make this struggle easier on you.
Sometimes, although not often, there is a mutual agreement between divorcing parties that will allow people to settle the divorce on their own. However when things get messy between husband and wife it is important to have a qualified, disinterested, and impartial party mediate the divorce so that it goes smoother for everyone involved. This is almost always the safest way to go so that the divorce goes just as smoothly as it can for everyone and that each person gets a fair deal.
If you are fortunate enough to be getting a divorce agreement that is uncontested and a marital settlement agreement reached, then most of the time the legal documents can be filed with the court and the final judgment can be mailed to you. However, oftentimes the court will request a hearing, either informal or formal. At an informal hearing the judge has the right to ask you questions about the certain facts that are presented in the divorce paperwork. At a formal hearing, the entire divorce case will be presented right from the beginning so that all the facts are available for the judge to see and make a proper ruling.
Most often, there are many disputes centered around the division of properly, child custody; spousal support and many other assets and monies that will need the courts help to divide. This is the easiest way to approach it and it will also ensure that each person get what is fair to their settlement and to what they both deserve from the divorce hearing. For sure you will want to have an qualified divorce attorney present who is familiar with your state’s divorce laws.
Most importantly, be sure to listen to the judge and to not make him or her angry at anything you might say or do during the hearing. You will always want to be respectful to both the judge and the court system so that you are able to get all that is due to you and that you are pleased with the outcome of the divorce hearing. Under no circumstances will you want to disrupt the divorce court hearing and make the judge mad in any way. By following the judge’s rules and the decision of the court you can be certain things will go better for you and that you will get the property and monies that you rightly deserve.
Here are a few simple tips to follow in preparing for divorce court:
1. Do not talk unless the judge asks you a question;
2. It doesn’t matter if the judge is male or female, always refer to them as “Your Honor”
3. Be polite and respectful at all times, thanking the judge each time he/she gives you the opportunity to address the court.
4. Do not address your spouse during the court proceeding. By the same token, to not make negative gestures, facial expressions or emotional remarks directed at your spouse.
5. If your have children, leave them at home unless your attorney or the court requests that you bring them.
6. Be prepared for anything by bringing as much supporting documentation to court with you. It is better to have too much information than not have the information you need during the court hearing.
7. Always check with your attorney on what you should wear to court so that you are dressed for the occasion.
When a client contacts an attorney to serve as a consultant when thinking about divorce or in search of representation for the duration of a divorce, many thoughts could possibly be running throughout the mind of the legal professional. One thing that increasingly more lawyers have been doing is referring their clients to divorce counselors to ensure that they will better meet their client’s needs. Lawyers are rising in their knowledge of divorce and discovering how they can best serve their clients and themselves. As they become greater conscious of the numerous elements of a divorce, they find counseling for divorce to be the best option for all people involved.
One particular way in which a divorce coach might assist both clients and counselors is by aiding those that might be contemplating divorce work out their ideas and emotions around the issue and come to a resolution. This time in a person’s life might be incredibly challenging and tiresome and lawyers aren’t necessarily going to be prepared to best serve their clients emotional requirements. Divorce attorneys are great for counseling on the legality of the divorce but when it comes to making the choice to end a marriage, a divorce therapist is ready to handle the individual or spouses concerns and provide insight. This information may be far more significant when making this determination than any lawful tidbit. The choice to conclude a marriage is enormous and plagued with emotional baggage that weighs on the individuals mind. The choice for a attorney to get the job done aided by a divorce coach and efficiently handle the clients’ requirements can even benefit lawyers. The heavy psychological burden of coping with a divorce spills over onto lawyers, whose clients see them as their one advocate and ally, could well be draining and stifling for attorneys. By letting the divorce coach treat the emotional spectrum of dealing with divorce, lawyers are able to purely concentrate on the legal aspect and undergo a much smoother situation.
Divorce lawyers are usually not educated with the knowledge required to address the serious emotional upset, which some have described as temporary insanity, which are brought on by the decision to get a divorce. Attorneys are for that reason not capable of elevating the upset in the event the decision to divorce has been made by a person or both parties. Individuals coping with a divorce may be highly delicate and experiencing a multitude of feelings. When lawyers acknowledge exactly where their job duties lie, and are prepared to connect their clients with a specialist who provides divorce groups or other support for coping with a divorce, they generate a greater work atmosphere for themselves. When divorcing, the demands being made by a person you represent could be illogically fueled by sadness, anger, or worthlessness. Emotional fuel like this is only going to make the process much more difficult. By establishing a partnership with the divorce coach, attorneys are in a position to make purely lawful judgements devoid of the need to reason with an upset client. Counseling for divorce is something that attorneys have come to value and appreciate for treating the difficulties of coping with a divorce.
Divorce records are documentation following divorce proceedings, which normally include the name of the husband and wife, date of the marriage and the date of the divorce. Other information that may also be included in divorce documents are the date of birth of both the spouses, the addresses of the spouses and the names and ages of their children. The reason for the divorce and the property they both own can also be seen in divorce documents.
People obtain divorce records primarily for genealogical purposes, such as tracing family history and determining how property was divided between spouses and later on transferred to the children. Another reason why people access divorce documents is to determine if someone is legally divorced.
Divorce Records – Are You Ready to Know What You May Find Out?
Many say that divorce records can serve as a good measure of the character of an individual especially since these records indicate the final divorce decree and the circumstances surrounding the situation. If there are any issues of domestic violence or child abuse, these will be clearly stated in the divorce documents. Likewise, if there were any disputes regarding properties between the spouses, restraining orders and any other settlement issues, these will also be seen in the divorce records.
Where to Get Divorce Records
Since divorces are settled in court, divorce documents are obtained through the county court in which the proceedings took place. At the same time, divorce documents are also kept on the state level, which serves as a central repository for all the divorce records from each county.
At this time, not all counties and states have digitized their divorce documents and due to limited manpower and resources, it often takes about two to nine business days or as long as three weeks before requests are processed. With this process, requests have to be placed either in person or by mail before the divorce records are released.
Once divorce documents are online, the processing time will become more efficient, allowing anyone to view these public records as long as they have Internet access. Another advantage of conducting a search for divorce records online is that even with minimal information you will be able to obtain a lead for the full data on the divorce. For instance, you can use a current and ex spouse search beforehand to identify the names and addresses of the spouses which will in turn, bring you to the correct county in which you can request for the divorce documents.
There are two kinds of divorce records that you can request for – certified and uncertified copies. Uncertified copies are primarily used for research purposes only and cannot be submitted as legal document, such as for remarriage. A certified copy, on the other hand, will bear the seal and signature of the registrar and will only be issued to parties involved in the divorce or someone who was authorized by one of the involved parties to request for a copy. In special cases, divorce documents can be granted to an individual who can show that he or she needs a copy of these records to protect a personal right.
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To know more about the divorce laws, a person should visit divorce lawyers and ask for divorce advice. The person seeking for divorce should seek information about many aspects such as property division, taxes, retirement plans, child custody, and other matters. You must seek experience from a reputed and experienced lawyer. He must be well-versed with the family matters. You must preferably seek advice from a lawyer who is specialized in family law. You can also seek advice from civil lawyer, but he should have previous experience in handling civil matters. He should be familiar with all types of divorce such as uncontested divorce, contested divorce, etc.
He should be familiarized with the military divorce laws that are actually different from the ordinary civilian laws. Usually the military divorce matters are handled by the state court. Retirement planning laws are very complex for military laws and hence the lawyer should be well-versed with the federal legislation for the income regarding the retired military personal.
The divorce lawyer normally provides advice about the property division, dividing bank accounts, retirement funds, debts and other finances. The person’s tax filing status also changes after he or she is divorced. The spouse’s name should also be changed for the mortgage aspects. The lawyer should normally provide advice in these matters. He also provides advice about other financial aspects such as tax considerations, property settlements, divorce settlements, family home, and other finances. After divorce, some types of taxes are exempt such as capital gains, child care credit, and the allowances received for dependent children is exempt from taxes. The marital status changes and hence the tax rates also change.
The divorce lawyer should provide advice about retirement benefits because, this factor is very important for the divorced couple. The retirement benefits of a divorcee are normally governed by the Employee Income Security Act and Internal Revenue Code of federal laws. The lawyer also explains about the Qualified Domestic Relations Order to explain the retirement benefits of the divorced.
If the persons seeking for divorce are immigrants, then they should either visit the family lawyer or the immigrant lawyer who can explain to them about the laws that are applicable after divorce.
To seek comprehensive and quick advice about divorce laws, you can also seek online services. You can seek advice from Professional Referral section of Divorce Online to receive information about divorce. Different states in United States have different divorce laws. In some states of United States such as Texas, Utah, West Virginia, Vermont, the person can receive legal separation for ‘no-fault grounds’, or ‘fault grounds’. Some states provide facilities such as legal separation instead of divorce so that the couples do not lose their rights. The divorce rates also vary according to the federal divorce laws. Some states provide divorce to the couples within 180 days from the days of filing a divorce case. In most of the states, the lawyers consider the reason for divorce. The lawyer decides whether the person should be granted divorce or not on the basis of the reason for divorce.
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